ANNOTATED INAUGURAL SPEECH. I'M NOT FUNNY. DONT JUDGE ME.

Barack Obama’s Inaugural Address


Following is the transcript of President Barack Obama’s Inaugural Address, as transcribed by CQ Transcriptions:

PRESIDENT BARACK Thank you. Thank you.

CROWD: Obama! Obama! Obama! Obama!

My fellow citizens: I stand here today humbled by the task before us, grateful for the trust you have bestowed, mindful of the sacrifices borne by our ancestors.

I thank President Bush for his service to our nation...

(APPLAUSE)

... as well as the generosity and cooperation he has shown throughout this transition.

Forty-four Americans have now taken the presidential oath.

The words have been spoken during rising tides of prosperity and the still waters of peace. Yet, every so often the oath is taken amidst gathering clouds and raging storms. At these moments, America has carried on not simply because of the skill or vision of those in high office, but because We the People have remained faithful to the ideals of our forebears, and true to our founding documents.

So it has been. So it must be with this generation of Americans.

That we are in the midst of crisis is now well understood. Our nation is at war against a far-reaching network of violence and hatred. Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age.


OUR COLLECTIVE WHAT? FAILURE?? I FAILED HOW?? I FAILED TO MAKE HARD CHOICES??? I WAS SUPPORED TO PREPARE THE NATION FOR A NEW AGE, AND FAILED??

Homes have been lost, jobs shed, businesses shuttered. Our health care is too costly, our schools fail too many, and each day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet.

OH. AND I FAILED TO MAKE THESE HARD CHOICES, PREFERING TO LOSE JOBS, SHATTER BUSINESSES, LET SCHOOLS FAIL, SQUANDER ENERGY AND STRENGTHEN OUR ADVERSARIES. I FAILED, AND CONTRIBUTED TO THREATS TO OUR PLANET. PARDON ME. I'M NOT USUALLY THIN SKINNED, BUT DIDN'T YOU JUST SAY THAT OUR BADLY WAKENED ECONOMY IS THE CONSEQUENCE OF OUR COLLECTIVE FAILURE. SOME COLLECTIVE FAILURE TO MAKE HARD CHOICES. SOMEHOW,.... WAIT A MINUTE. OH I GEET IT.IT SOUNDS GOOD.

These are the indicators of crisis, subject to data and statistics. Less measurable, but no less profound, is a sapping of confidence across our land; a nagging fear that America's decline is inevitable, that the next generation must lower its sights.


MY CONFIDENCE ISN'T SAPPED ACROSS OUR LAND. AGAIN WITH YOU TELLING ME HOW I FEEL? I HAVE NO IDEA IF THE NEXT GENERATION MUST LOWER ITS SIGHTS. I HOPE NOT. BUT I DON'T HAVE A CLUE. ITS' ONE THEORY. THAT OUR SIGHTS WERE PERMANENTLY TOO HIGH AFTER WORLD WAR II, AFTER THE GREAT DEPRESSION ENDED AND IT LOOKED LIKE THE AMERICAN DREAM WAS POSSIBLE, A PERMANENTLY PROSPEROUS NATION, WITH A LIGHTER DRUDGERY LOAD FOR ALL. COITENLY ONE THEORY IS THAT SUCH HIGH HOPES ARE SILLY. ALL HOPE AND NO REALITY.

Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real, they are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this America: They will be met.\


THEY WILL BE MET. SURE HOPE SO. HAVE MY DOUBTS.

(APPLAUSE)

On this day, we gather because we have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.


WHAT??? WHEN DID I CHOSE FEAR, CONFLICT AND DISCORD. WAS THAT THE CHOICE WE MADE IN NOVEMBER. FEAR VS HOPE, UNITY OVER DISCORD?? AND UNITY BEAT DISCORD. HOPE BEAT FEAR. ALTHOUGH TO BE HONEST NEARLY FIFTY PERCENT OF US VOTED FOR CONFLICT, DISCORD AND FEAR.



On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn-out dogmas that for far too long have strangled our politics.


SURE. AN END TO FALSE PROMISES AND POLITICAL STRANGULATION. I HAVE HEARD THAT BEFORE. PROCLAIM AN END TO BUSINESS AS USUAL, AND THEN FACE THE FACTS.

WE HAVE COME TO PROCLAIM AN END TO THE PETTY GRIEVANCES AND FALSE PROMISES ETC ETC. YEAH YEAH, SURE KID. AND PIGS CAN FLY. NO REALLY, THEY CAN. IN FACT, A WHOLE FLOCK OF 'EM JUST FLEW OVER.



We remain a young nation, but in the words of Scripture, the time has come to set aside childish things.


RIGHT. JUST LAST WEEK I SET, NO WAIT A MINUTE. THE TIME HAS COME TODAY, NOT, LIKE FIFTY YEARS AGO. OR DURING THE CIVIL WAR. ABE LINCOLN WAS SO VERY CHILDISH. LUCKY NOW, WE CAN GROW UP FINALLY. NOT LIKE WINSTON CHURCHILL OR ARISTOTLE, THOSE CHILDISH LITTLE INFANTILE UN GROWN UP TYKES. PSHAW. NO SIR. TIME TO GROW UP.



The time has come to reaffirm our enduring spirit; to choose our better history; to carry forward that precious gift, that noble idea, passed on from generation to generation: the God-given promise that all are equal, all are free, and all deserve a chance to pursue their full measure of happiness.



YEAH, I REALLY FEEL SORRY FOR DUTCH PEOPLE, OR THOSE MEAN SPIRITED FRENCH AND ENGLISH GUYS WHO DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT ANY GOD GIVEN PROMISE THAT ALL ARE EQUAL. ALL ARE EQUAL. SURE, BUT SOME ARE EQUALLER THAN OTHERS. DESERVE A CHANCE TO PURSUE THEIR FULL MEASURE OF HAPPINESS. GOD I HATE THOSE RUMANIANS AND CHINESE WHO NEVER GIVE ANYONE A CHANCE TO BE HAPPY. THOSE AWFUL TURKS AND JAPANESE, WHO HAVE NO GRASP OF OUR NOBLE IDEA, PASSED ON FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION.

(APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU.

In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned. Our journey has never been one of shortcuts or settling for less.

It has not been the path for the faint-hearted, for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame.

OH THAT PATH. THE ONE CHOSEN BY FINS AND TURKS AND ALBANIANS AND ITALIANS. THOSE HORRIBLE CHILDISH PEOPLE WHO PREFER LEISURE OVER WORK AND SEEK ONLY THE PLEASURES OF RICHES AND FAME. NO SIR. WE WORK HARD TO MAKE OUR NATION GREAT. NOBODY ELSE DOES THAT.

Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things -- some celebrated, but more often men and women obscure in their labor -- who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom.

BULL FUCKING CRAP ON A STICK. RATHER.... I MEAN, THE NON DOERS THE ONES WHO DON'T MAKE THINGS, THE ONES WHO DON'T TAKE RISKS, THOSE SHITTY PEOPLE, WELL THEY ARE NOT AMERICANS. THEY ARE NOT LIVING A LIFE WORTH LIVING. THE LONG RUGGED PATH TOWARDS PROSPERITY AND FREEDOM... THAT HAS BEEN THE WORK OF THE WONDERFUL RISK TAKERS AND DOERS AND MAKERS OF THINGS. NOT LLIKE THOSE FILTHY LAZY ITALIANS WHO DON'T DO ALL THAT WONDERFUL STUFF TO TREAD THE WEARY WAY UP THE LONG RUGGED PATH TOWARDS PROSPERITY AND FREEDOM. AMERICA, WE DO THAT, NOBODY ELSE DOES. WE ARE SO GREAT.


AND HERE COMES THE REAL BULLSHIT.

For us, they packed up their few worldly possessions and traveled across oceans in search of a new life. For us, they toiled in sweatshops and settled the West, endured the lash of the whip and plowed the hard earth.

FOR US?? BULLSHIT. THE ENDURE THE LASH
AND THE WHIP
AND PLOWED THE HARD EARTH
AND TOILED IN SWEATSHOPS
AND SETTLED THE WEST
AND PACKED UP THEIR FEW WORLDLY POSSESSIONS AND TRAVELED ACR4SSS OCEANS
FOR US

FOR US.


For us, they fought and died in places Concord and Gettysburg; Normandy and Khe Sanh.

Time and again these men and women struggled and sacrificed and worked till their hands were raw so that we might live a better life.

A WHOLE FLOCK OF 'EM FLEW OVER THAT TIME. PIGS. FLYING PIGS.

They saw America as bigger than the sum of our individual ambitions; greater than all the differences of birth or wealth or faction.

NO THEY DIDN'T.


This is the journey we continue today. We remain the most prosperous, powerful nation on Earth. Our workers are no less productive than when this crisis began. Our minds are no less inventive, our goods and services no less needed than they were last week or last month or last year. Our capacity remains undiminished.

STANDING PAT?? I DIDN'T STAND PAT. I DIDN PROTECT NARROW INTERESTS. I DIDNT PUT OFF UNPLEASANT DECISIONS. WHEN DID I DO THAT. WHO IN THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT. WHAT ARE YOU SAYING. IT DOESN'T MEAN A GODDAMNED THING.

But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions -- that time has surely passed.

Starting today, we must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off, and begin again the work of remaking America.

(APPLAUSE)


THANK YOU AND GOOD NIGHT.

For everywhere we look, there is work to be done.

The state of our economy calls for action: bold and swift. And we will act not only to create new jobs but to lay a new foundation for growth.

We will build the roads and bridges, the electric grids and digital lines that feed our commerce and bind us together.

We will restore science to its rightful place and wield technology's wonders to raise health care's quality...

(APPLAUSE)

... and lower its costs.

AND HARNESS THE FLYING PIGS. DON'T FORGET THEM. A RAW SOURCE OF ENERGY.

We will harness the sun and the winds and the soil to fuel our cars and run our factories. And we will transform our schools and colleges and universities to meet the demands of a new age.

All this we can do. All this we will do.

APPLAUSE SIGN.


Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions, who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short, for they have forgotten what this country has already done, what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose and necessity to courage.

SURE KID. SURE. FREE MEN AND WOMEN. NOT THE SHACKLED MEN AND WOMEN ON FOREIGN SHORES WHO DON'T HAVE OUR CONSTITUTIION, OUR BRAVE ANCESTORS, OUR ENERGY AND INVENTIVENESS AND.. OH FUCK YOU.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them, that the stale political arguments that have consumed us for so long, no longer apply.


YES THEY DO. THE GROUND HAS NOT SHIFTED BENEATH ANYONE. NO LONGER APPLY. WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN. LAST NOVEMBER WHEN WE VOTED AGAINST FEAR AND DISCORD.

The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works, whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified.

RIGHT. AND WE DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER. NOBODY DOES.

Where the answer is yes, we intend to move forward. Where the answer is no, programs will end.


SURE. JUST A SMALL MATTER OF MEASURING WHETHER IT WORKS OR NOT. NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE. GREAT IDEAS FROM A GREAT MIND.

And those of us who manage the public's dollars will be held to account, to spend wisely, reform bad habits, and do our business in the light of day, because only then can we restore the vital trust between a people and their government.

Nor is the question before us whether the market is a force for good or ill. Its power to generate wealth and expand freedom is unmatched.

But this crisis has reminded us that without a watchful eye, the market can spin out of control. The nation cannot prosper long when it favors only the prosperous.

THAT;'S A BIG JUMP FROM THE MARKET SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL AND A NATION RULED BY GREEDY PEOPLE WHO FAVOR ONLY THE PROSPEROUS. QUITE A JUMP. THIS SPEECH IS WOBBLING BADLY. INTO FOOLISH LLIES.

The success of our economy has always depended not just on the size of our gross domestic product, but on the reach of our prosperity; on the ability to extend opportunity to every willing heart -- not out of charity, but because it is the surest route to our common good.

(APPLAUSE)

OR ARE IT?

BUT HERE COMES THE WORST PART. THE CHOICE BETWEEN MY SAFETY AND MY IDEALS?? SAFETY FIRST. I GOT KIDS, PETS, INVESTMENTS AND A VERY STRONG LOVE OF LIFE. DON'T YOU JEOPARDIZE MY LIFE FOR FREEDOM OF SPEECH OR DUE PROCESS. DUE PROCESS SET THE DECAPITATOR O.J. BACK ON THE STREETS.

As for our common defense, we reject as false the choice between our safety and our ideals.

LINCOLN SUSPENDED HABEUS CORPUS IN THE CIVIL WAR. ARGUE ALL YOU WANT. I REJECT IDEALS OVER SAFETY. AND SO WOULD ANY SANE PERSON. MAYBE THERE' S SOME ROOM FOR ARGUMENT. BUT SORRY, YOUR FRIENDS ALL LAUGHED BEHIND YOUR BACK WITH IRONIC AND COMIC DISAPPROVAL WHEN THEY HEARD YOU EXPOUSE IDEALS OVER SAFETY. IT'S LAUGHABLE.

Our founding fathers faced with perils that we can scarcely imagine, drafted a charter to assure the rule of law and the rights of man, a charter expanded by the blood of generations.

EXPANDED BY THE BLOOD OF GENERATIONS. OR SOMETHING,.

Those ideals still light the world, and we will not give them up for expedience's sake.

SAFETY OR EXPEDIENCE.

APLAUSE.

And so, to all other peoples and governments who are watching today, from the grandest capitals to the small village where my father was born:

AND MY BROTHER IS IN JAIL FOR POSSESSION, AND I WON'T GO HIS BAIL BECAUSE I AM A NARROW MINDED FUCK...
know that America is a friend of each nation and every man, woman and child who seeks a future of peace and dignity, and we are ready to lead once more.

AND READY TO PUT OUR LIVES ON THE LINE FOR CIVIL RIGHTS. WELL, MOST OF US FEEL THAT WAY. ER, DON'T WE?

(APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with the sturdy alliances and enduring convictions.

I AM A MAN OF NO CONVICTIONS.

They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use. Our security emanates from the justness of our cause; the force of our example; the tempering qualities of humility and restraint. AND PUTTING CIVIL RIGHTS BEFORE PERSONAL SAFETY.

We are the keepers of this legacy, guided by these principles once more, we can meet those new threats that demand even greater effort, even greater cooperation and understanding between nations. We'll begin to responsibly leave Iraq to its people and forge a hard- earned peace in Afghanistan.

LEAVE IRAQ TO ITS PEOPLE. THEY CHOSE SADAM HUSSEIN. THAT';S HOW THEY ARE.

With old friends and former foes, we'll work tirelessly to lessen the nuclear threat and roll back the specter of a warming planet.

We will not apologize for our way of life nor will we waver in its defense.

WHAT WAY OF LIFE. USING THREE QUARTERS OF THE WORLD'S RESOURCES TO COOL OUR HOMES AND HAVE WIDE SCREEN TV'S..

And for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that, "Our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken. You cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you."


I COITENLY HOPE SO. BECAUSE JUST MAYBE THOSE GUYS ARE DESPERATE AND CRAZY.

(APPLAUSE)

For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness.

YOU AND YOUR HERITAGE. WE AIN'T WEEK LIKE OTHER COUNTRIES. NO SIR. WE ARE STRONG. THANK GOD WE HAVE A HERITAGE OF STRENGTH, NOT WEAKNESS. I FEEL SORRY FOR THOSE COUNTRIES FOUNDED ON WEAKNESS.

We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus, and nonbelievers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth.

THAT'S REALLY NOT SO GOOD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

And because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

HURRAY FOR US.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect.

To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict or blame their society's ills on the West, know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.

NO. YOUR PEOPLE ARE JUST ALL MESSED UP.

To those...

(APPLAUSE)

WOW. A MOMENT OF ZEN.

To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history, but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

OR, WAIT, CLING TO POWER THROUGH CORRUPTION, SILENCING DISSENT, WRONG SIDE OF HISTORY. YOU MEAN LIKE THE MAFIA, OR CHINA OR IRAN, OR, OR. THIS PLACE?

(APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds.

NO WE DON'T.

And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to the suffering outside our borders, nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it.

RELATIVE PLENTY. WHAT DOE S THAT MEAN. AND, NO WE ARE NOT GIVING UP OUR COMFORTS TO SAVE THE WORLD.

As we consider the road that unfolds before us, we remember with humble gratitude those brave Americans who, at this very hour, patrol far-off deserts and distant mountains. They have something to tell us, just as the fallen heroes who lie in Arlington whisper through the ages.

WHISPER THROUGH THE AGES. THE DEAD CRY OUT FOR REVENGE. FOR PATRIOTISM. FOR A NEW INFLANGEMENT OF THE THE PERIOUS BOONDANGLES THAT PERSIST TO UNARREST THE FUTURITY OF TODAYS GREATNESS.

We honor them not only because they are guardians of our liberty, but because they embody the spirit of service: a willingness to find meaning in something greater than themselves.

OH SHIT. NOT PUBLIC SERVICE. I WORK HARD FOR THE MONEY.

And yet, at this moment, a moment that will define a generation, it is precisely this spirit that must inhabit us all.

NO.

For as much as government can do and must do, it is ultimately the faith and determination of the American people upon which this nation relies.

RIGHT NO MORE NARROW EVADING OF UNPLEASANT CHOICES. NO MORE EASY NARROW DISLOYAL LAZY SHIT. TIME TO DO FOR YOU COUNTRY, NOT WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF OF WHAT YOUR COUNTRY CAN DO FOR YOU.

It is the kindness to take in a stranger when the levees break; the selflessness of workers who would rather cut their hours than see a friend lose their job which sees us through our darkest hours.

It is the firefighter's courage to storm a stairway filled with smoke, but also a parent's willingness to nurture a child, that finally decides our fate.

THIS IS THE WORST THING I EVER HEARD.

Our challenges may be new, the instruments with which we meet them may be new, but those values upon which our success depends, honesty and hard work, courage and fair play, tolerance and curiosity, loyalty and patriotism -- these things are old.

These things are true. They have been the quiet force of progress throughout our history.

What is demanded then is a return to these truths.

NO MORE BEING DISLOYAL OR UNPATRIOTIC, OR INTOLEERANT, UNFAIR, OR LAZY OR DISHONEST OR COWARDLY. TIME TO RETURN TO HONESTY AND HARD WORK, RETURN. GIVE UP YOU LAZY DISHONEST COWARDLY WAYS.


What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility -- a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task.


we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, WHAT DUTIES DO I HAVE TO THE WORLD OR MY COUNTRY. AND WHAT DUTIES TO MYSELF HAVE I FAILED TO ADDRESS. A NEW ERA OF RESPONSIBILITY, A RECOGNITION THAT WE HAVE DUTIES TO OURSELVES.

A NEW ERA OF RESPONSIBILITY??? A RECOGNITION THAT WE HAVE DUTIES TO OURSELVES?? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? WHAT DUTIES TO THE NATION HAVE I SHIRKED BEFORE THIS NEW ERA OF RESPONSIBILITY??

JUST TELL ME THAT. GIVE ME ONE GOOD EXAMPLE. WHAT DUTIES DO I HAVE TO THE WORLD OR MY COUNTRY. AND WHAT DUTIES TO MYSELF HAVE I FAILED TO ADDRESS. WHAT IN THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

ALICE IN WONDERLAND.

This is the price and the promise of citizenship.

WHAT. DUTIES TO MYSELF, MY COUNTRY AND THE WORLD.THAT I HAVE SHIRKED UNTIL THIS NEW ERA OF RESPONSIBILITY?? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. NONE OF THIS MAKES ANY SENSE.

This is the source of our confidence: the knowledge that God calls on us to shape an uncertain destiny.

GOD?! I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD. I DON'T TAKE MY MARCHING ORDERS FROM GOD TO SHAPE AN UNCERTAIN DESTINY. THAT IS NOT THE SOURCE OF OUR CONFIDENCE. YOU JUST WANTED TO SAY HIGH SOUNDING PHRASES, LIKE

THIS IS THE PRICE AND PROMISE OF CITIZENSHIP.

THIS IS THE SOURCE OF OUR CONFIDENCE.

SHAPE AN UNCERTAIN DESTINY.


LOWER YOUR STANDARDS. THIS IS PURE CRAP.


This is the meaning of our liberty and our creed, why men and women and children of every race and every faith can join in celebration across this magnificent mall. And why a man whose father less than 60 years ago might not have been served at a local restaurant can now stand before you to take a most sacred oath.

NOT THE BLACK THING. LOOK. I NEVER PARTICIPATED IN NOT SERVING BLACKS AT RESTAURANTS. THAT WAS A SOUTHERN AMERICAN THING. DON'T PIN THAT ON ME. AND WHO CARES IF YOU'RE BLACK. I CARE THAT YOU CAN STAND UP THERE AND LIE.

(APPLAUSE)

So let us mark this day in remembrance of who we are and how far we have traveled.

MUSIC UP...

In the year of America's birth, in the coldest of months, a small band of patriots huddled by dying campfires on the shores of an icy river.

The capital was abandoned. The enemy was advancing. The snow was stained with blood.

At a moment when the outcome of our revolution was most in doubt, the father of our nation ordered these words be read to the people:

"Let it be told to the future world that in the depth of winter, when nothing but hope and virtue could survive, that the city and the country, alarmed at one common danger, came forth to meet it."

WHILE HALF THE NATION FLED TO CANADA, FIGURING BRITAIN COULDN'T BE THAT BAD. WHO CARES.

America, in the face of our common dangers, in this winter of our hardship, let us remember these timeless words; with hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come; let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations.

Thank you. God bless you.

(APPLAUSE)

And God bless the United States of America.

(APPLAUSE)




AND I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE CRAP I JUST SAID. THEY MADE ME DO IT.



AND I'M NOT FUNNY. I'M JUST VERY PISSED OFF AT THIS CRAP.